WTF Arm and Hammer?!

For all I know, these came out of Satan's asshole.

I like Tide laundry detergent. It smells nice and never fails to get my clothes clean. The downside is that its the most expensive stuff out there. Hoping to find a reasonably priced alternative to Tide, I ended up buying these packs from Arm and Hammer. I've used A&H products before, but never these little packs that apparently (judging by the packaging) turn your dirty clothes into a fresh scented tidal wave of bling.

By the first wash I should have known this product was shit, and tossed it in the trash. I threw a pack in and started a load, however the thing just didn't want to dissolve. 10 minutes go by...no suds. 20 minutes go by....still no suds. Finally about 45 minutes into an hour long cycle I finally start seeing some soap in my front loader. By this time though, it was done with all the wash cycles and starting the final spin. The detergent seemed to have fully rinsed at the end, but the clothes still smelled dingy, just with a light scent to it. Like if someone unleashed a horrible fart and sprayed a miniscule amount of air freshener. You still have that lingering aroma of ass, but just with a touch of potpourri with it.

I went on to do a few more washes with the same results. I finished up my work clothes, casual clothes, towels and called it quits, unimpressed and quite annoyed at myself for not getting the Tide Pods. Actually, anything would have outperformed the Arm and Hammer. Like taking a wash board outside in the rain with a bar of Irish Spring would have probably yielded better results.

The worst part was still to come, though.

On the first day of wearing these "freshly" laundered clothes, I noticed a slight itch on my face at work. Much to my annoyance, it persisted for the latter half of the day.

Day two. Slightly flushed face, a bit of redness on my forehead. Itching has spread down to my chin and neck. Looks like I broke out in hives, or had slight windburn from skiing. Definitely anticipating a doctor visit at this point.

Day three. Entire face is red, warm, itchy. Slight bumps on various parts of my face. Rash has spread to small patches on both my biceps and forearms. They itch like hell, too.

The first clinic I went to, didn't even want to mess with it. The nurse practitioner insisted I was going to need a steroid shot in the ass or my eyes were going to swell shut. Instead of just giving me around of oral steroids, she was nice enough to take my vitals and refer me to an urgent care about 40 minutes away. I concluded these mini-clinics do virtually nothing, and unless I get a really bad paper cut I doubt I'm going to make another trip.

Once I finally saw a real doctor, he diagnosed it as contact dermatitis, likely from thoroughly patting my face, arms off with a towel washed in the worthless Crystal packs. I was in a hurry for work the first day, so I quickly patted off and just wrapped myself up in the towel to dry off as I got ready. Food, poison ivy were all ruled out. There is really nothing else it could have been besides the Arm and Hammer.

My upper arm actually got the least of it but, I won't post a picture of my face in case you are eating.

Needless to say, I will be using Tide exclusively for the rest of my life. Even the cheapest detergent commercially available to the public did not do anything like this to my skin. Tide might be expensive, but when you factor in the costs of doctor visits and prescriptions I'll be avoiding, the cost per load isn't so bad.

Do yourself a favor and stay away from these little nuggets of misery.